2011 – Week 12

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Football is a scary game sometimes. Sometimes scary-bad:
Sometimes scary-good:
And sometimes scary-gross:
Is he Tebowing? Nope, that’s just Chargers kicker Nick Novak peeing on the sidelines while a trainer tries to hide it with a towel. Eww. Novak knew he may be called upon very soon to win the game and he couldn’t run to the locker room. I’ve always wondered why they don’t just have a little Biffy on the sidelines… The Chargers went on to lose in overtime to Tim Tebow. The Broncos improbable run continues. 
In the Hiawatha leagues, now is the time to get hot if you want to win a ticket into the LoC next year! After this week, there aren’t many chances left! Also, it’s Revenge Week! Week 12 always brings the first of two rematches in the regular season! Who will get revenge for their week 1 loss?!

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In the LoC, only 1 playoff spot remains up for grabs following this weekend’s action! Here are the scores: 
The Phantom Limbs (Peter) – 73
JAWS (Dave) – 80
Marshmallow Mateys (Cory) – 95
KRUG Kommandant (Denny) – 90
Pacifists (John) – 110
Nana Nancy Unit (Tyler) – 88
Monday Night (Phil) – 71
The Almighty Muffins (Mike) – 95
Suck for Luck 2012 (Aaron) – 110
Fumblecopter (Andy) – 102
The Cutlass Cieras (Chris W.) – 97
Mr T Fool! (Eric) – 73
Going into MNF, Fumblecopter was firmly in control of his game against Suck for Luck. But Aaron had an ace up his sleeve named Drew Brees. Brees scored 36 points and engineered an 8 point win over the best in the league! Meanwhile, the Mateys and KRUG were locked in a mortal struggle to the end, but Victor Cruz’s valiant effort on MNF wasn’t enough to push KRUG over the top. The Mateys win again and claim sole possession of 1st place! The Limbs dropped Sebastian Janikowski this week for the Saint’s high-scoring kicker, only to have that move cost them a victory over JAWS. Dave clinches a playoff spot and the Limbs are tied for the 6th place record with… Pacifists?!? Yes, John’s team, once left for dead, has won 4 out of 5 and beat Nana Nancy this week to climb into the 6th spot and a chance at the playoffs! The Cieras secured their playoff berth by beating Mr T, who has now lost 6 straight games. Ouch! And the Muffins look like they’re tuning up for a Toilet Bowl run as they beat Monday Night. 
Current LoC Standings: 
Rank Team W-L-T Pct Pts For Pts Against Streak Waiver Budget Moves
*1. Marshmallow Mateys 10-2-0 .833 1149 992 W-3 $79 7
*2. Fumblecopter 9-3-0 .750 1252 1166 L-1 $87 10
*3. KRUG Kommandant 9-3-0 .750 1167 972 L-1 $51 12
*4. J.A.W.S. 7-4-1 .625 1167 1057 W-1 $17 22
*5. The Cutlass Cieras 7-5-0 .583 1098 1065 W-3 $58 12
6. Pacifists 5-7-0 .417 1029 1113 W-2 $23 16
7. The Phantom Limbs 5-7-0 .417 1014 1049 L-1 $47 23
8. Nana Nancy Unit 4-7-1 .375 1135 1183 L-5 $47 4
9. The Almighty Muffins 4-8-0 .333 1046 1119 W-1 $48 32
10. Mr T Fool! 4-8-0 .333 990 1107 L-6 $29 23
11. Monday Night 3-8-1 .292 999 1072 L-4 $62 15
12. Suck for Luck 2012 3-8-1 .292 948 1099 W-1 $95 11
It all comes down to next week for the Pacifists, Limbs and Nancy. One of those teams will be in the playoffs and two will be in the Toilet. It won’t be easy. The Pacifists play KRUG, the Limbs play the Mateys and Nancy plays Monday Night. 

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Oh Premier League, you vex us! One week left and THREE playoff spots still up for grabs!? You’ve got to be kidding me. Here are your scores: 
Mean Regressors (Chris A.) – 80
sasquatches r real! (Darren) – 69
Waffle Housers (Nate) – 52
The Alchemist (Chris T.) – 87
Nerd Herd (Bob) – 64
Beer Boys (Hyatt) – 96
Blackhearts (Jon) – 104
a couple 13 14 wins (Wayne) – 82
The Russell (Russ) – 122
Glass Joe (Bernt) – 88
McChamps (Tom) – 117
diddy (Jim) – 88
The Waffle Housers were looking like a tough out, but they’ve now lost 3 straight after only scoring 52 against The Alchemist this week and have dropped to 4th in the standings. The Beer Boys, on the other hand, keep rolling. It’s 3 straight for them as they demolished the Nerd Herd this week and sit in 1st place with the same record as Alchemist. But, the hottest team anywhere right now is the Blackhearts! Jon’s team put up 104 to beat Wayne’s team this week thanks in large part to Beanie Wells’ career day (and the NYG Defense scoring -4 for Wayne). Jon clinched a playoff spot with that impressive win! Fighting for their playoff life, The Russell exploded with 122 and a big win over Glass Joe. Russ is now one of 3 teams at 6-6 in the middle of the standings. Next week is not going to be pretty for them. The knot of 4-8 teams don’t have to worry about making the cut next week, they have to worry about making a run in the Toilet Bowl. The Mean Regressors notched a win over the sasquatches to join that group and diddy got beat by the McChamps to drop in. 
Current PL Standings: 
Rank Team W-L-T Pct Pts For Pts Against Streak Waiver Budget Moves
*1. Beer Boys 9-3-0 .750 1184 1032 W-3 $61 12
*2. The Alchemist 9-3-0 .750 1153 1032 W-1 $64 9
*3. Blackhearts 8-4-0 .667 1050 945 W-5 $87 13
4. Waffle Housers 7-5-0 .583 1044 1101 L-3 $36 8
5. The Russell 6-6-0 .500 1178 1018 W-2 $23 30
6. McChamps 6-6-0 .500 1087 1087 W-1 $60 30
7. a couple 13 14 wins 6-6-0 .500 1083 1092 L-1 $100 6
8. sasquatches r real! 5-7-0 .417 1039 1041 L-3 $54 11
9. Glass Joe 4-8-0 .333 1106 1089 L-2 $100 4
10. Mean Regressors 4-8-0 .333 965 1119 W-2 $45 29
11. diddy 4-8-0 .333 946 1083 L-1 $59 8
12. Nerd Herd 4-8-0 .333 859 1055 L-4 $80 17
The Waffle Housers have the inside track to the playoffs, but even the sasquatches could sneak in from that middle group. Looking at the matchups, I have NO IDEA what’s going to happen next week!

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Jon Jett and the Blackhearts! Jon is the hottest team in the Hiawatha Universe and could be getting hot at just the right time! He’ll have a perfect chance to make a statement for the playoffs by playing the Beer Boys next week! 

Sorry, I’m trying to shake off that Jon Jett pic. Anyway, we’ve only got one Thursday game to worry about this week: Eagles vs. Seahawks. 
In case you didn’t get it earlier, this is the last week of the regular season! Hearts will be broken, legends will be forged, stats will be compiled… it will be spectacular! 
Until Next Week,
Commish Peter 

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