2011 – Week 13

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On Thursday night, Marshawn Lynch looked like he was headed to a record-breaking game – knifing through the Eagles defense easily. The secret? Apparently – Skittles. Yes, a winded Lynch had a trainer feeding him Skittles on the sidelines to get him back in the game. Lynch didn’t break any significant records when it was all said and done, but he did secure an endorsement deal and a personalized Skittles machine for his locker.  
The Vikings, meanwhile, got Tebowed this weekend – losing on a tough 4th quarter interception and subsequent game-ending FG. Willis McGahee had another big game and, due to shoddy tackling, seemed like he was in two places at once sometimes. Wait a second….
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Can they do that?!?
The fantasy football regular season concluded this weekend and, boy, there is a lot to cover. Who’s in the playoffs!?! Who’s going to fight for their life in the Toilet Bowl??? All will be revealed. Now. 

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The LoC playoff scenarios were outlined a little bit last week. Suffice to say, a number of teams had shots to grab the 6th spot, but two teams had the inside track. Here are the scores: 
The Phantom Limbs (Peter) – 116
Marshmallow Mateys (Cory) – 127
JAWS (Dave) – 123
Mr T Fool! (Eric) – 107
Pacifists (John) – 83
KRUG Kommandant (Denny) – 95
Monday Night (Phil) – 85
Nana Nancy Unit (Tyler) – 71
Suck for Luck 2012 (Aaron) – 91
The Almighty Muffins (Mike) – 77
The Cutlass Cieras (Chris W.) – 69
Fumblecopter (Andy) – 108
And the final playoff spot goes to…The Phantom Limbs! The Limbs had a rollercoaster week. Down 50-0 after the Thursday game, the Limbs fought HARD on Sunday and held the lead for some time (thanks in large part to Cam Newton’s HUGE game). The Mateys pulled ahead Monday night and got the win. HOWEVER, the Pacifists couldn’t pull off a win either against KRUG’s strong team. The Pacifists and the Limbs ended up with the same record, but the Limbs’ 116 points this week pushed them ahead in total points and secured the final spot in the playoffs! An amazing turnaround from Friday morning! It briefly seemed like the Muffins, out of nowhere, might be able to move up into the 6 spot, but Aaron’s resilient team (in Miami Dolphin-like fashion) put that hope to rest on Monday night. Tyler had a shot too, but he couldn’t break his losing streak (6 straight now) and is out in the cold thanks to Phil’s squad. Eric’s “statistical ineptitude” vanished this week as he put up 107 points, but still managed to lose when JAWS broke out 123. Eric lost 7 in a row to end the regular season and sits in last place in the standings. Finally, the Cieras have to be a little worried about next week after only putting up 69 against Fumblecopter. Making the playoffs simply isn’t enough, you have to win the playoffs to hang onto your ticket into the LoC next year!
Standings and Playoff Pairings: 
Rank Team W-L-T Pct Pts For Pts Against Streak Waiver Budget Moves
*1. Marshmallow Mateys 11-2-0 .846 1276 1108 W-4 $74 8
*2. Fumblecopter 10-3-0 .769 1360 1235 W-1 $87 10
*3. KRUG Kommandant 10-3-0 .769 1262 1055 W-1 $51 13
*4. J.A.W.S. 8-4-1 .654 1290 1164 W-2 $15 23
*5. The Cutlass Cieras 7-6-0 .538 1167 1173 L-1 $56 13
*6. The Phantom Limbs 5-8-0 .385 1130 1176 L-2 $47 24
7. Pacifists 5-8-0 .385 1112 1208 L-1 $23 16
8. Nana Nancy Unit 4-8-1 .346 1206 1268 L-6 $47 4
9. Monday Night 4-8-1 .346 1084 1143 W-1 $62 15
10. Suck for Luck 2012 4-8-1 .346 1039 1176 W-2 $95 12
11. The Almighty Muffins 4-9-0 .308 1123 1210 L-1 $21 35
12. Mr T Fool! 4-9-0 .308 1097 1230 L-7 $29 23
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When we last left the PL, there was a total logjam at the edge of the playoff cut! When the dust settled on Monday night, 3 teams had the same record but only one could make the playoffs. It would, again, come down to points. Who had the total points advantage?!?! Here are the scores: 
Mean Regressors (Chris A.) – 78
diddy (Jim) – 125
sasquatches r real! (Darren) – 83
Waffle Housers (Nate) – 81
Nerd Herd (Bob) – 66
The Alchemist (Chris T.) – 76
Blackhearts (Jon) – 106
Beer Boys (Hyatt) – 113
The Russell (Russ) – 83
a couple 13 14 wins (Wayne) – 93
McChamps (Tom) – 115
Glass Joe (Bernt) – 121
And the playoff spot goes to Russell! Russ has had a dizzying season, putting up tons of points early in the season, but losing plenty of games down the stretch as his team slumped. This week, he lost to Wayne’s tough squad. Fortunately for him, those early points paid off and game him the tie-breaking advantage over… the sasquatches? Yes, Darren’s team made a mini-run into contention by beating the Waffle Housers this week. He’ll have to prove his mettle in the Toilet Bowl now. And the McChamps HAVE to be kicking themselves most of all. They would be in the playoffs with a win and their 115 points would have beaten almost anyone this week, but not Glass Joe. Bernt played his heart out and spoiled the party for the McChamps! That’s cold. The Alchemist may have been resting some starters for the playoffs when he beat the lowly Nerd Herd with only 76 points. He’ll have a bye next week too to gear up for his run. The Beer Boys decided to play out the season against a tough Blackhearts team and got the win in a shootout! Jon’s team has to feel pretty good in spite of the loss – he put up 106 himself. And then there’s diddy. Jim hadn’t cracked 100 points since week 2, but he dropped 125 on the Regressors to climb out of the bottom of the standings. Too little too late? Or has Jim been saving his energy for an improbable run through the Toilet Bowl tournament into the LoC?!? Could he be lying in wait to destroy unsuspecting teams???
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Standings and Playoff Pairings: 
Rank Team W-L-T Pct Pts For Pts Against Streak Waiver Budget Moves
*1. Beer Boys 10-3-0 .769 1297 1138 W-4 $59 13
*2. The Alchemist 10-3-0 .769 1229 1098 W-2 $59 10
*3. Blackhearts 8-5-0 .615 1156 1058 L-1 $87 14
*4. a couple 13 14 wins 7-6-0 .538 1176 1175 W-1 $100 6
*5. Waffle Housers 7-6-0 .538 1125 1184 L-4 $36 9
*6. The Russell 6-7-0 .462 1261 1111 L-1 $23 30
7. McChamps 6-7-0 .462 1202 1208 L-1 $60 33
8. sasquatches r real! 6-7-0 .462 1122 1122 W-1 $54 11
9. Glass Joe 5-8-0 .385 1227 1204 W-1 $100 4
10. diddy 5-8-0 .385 1071 1161 W-1 $59 8
11. Mean Regressors 4-9-0 .308 1043 1244 L-1 $45 32
12. Nerd Herd 4-9-0 .308 925 1131 L-5 $80 17
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The Phantom Limbs! Self-serving?? Perhaps, but the fact remains that the team was basically left for dead on FRIDAY when Lynch and McCoy teamed up to put him down 50-0. At the end of Sunday night, the Limbs were in the lead. Sure they lost, but that turnaround was a thrill ride that every playoff-hopeful team in the LoC was watching. However, John offered a word of warning: though the Limbs did score 116, they did give up 127. And defense wins championships….
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Some teams have earned byes this week, in either the playoffs or the Toilet Bowls. So enjoy a week of watching football without stress (unless you’re a Vikings fan). 
Another Thursday game this week! The Browns and Steelers will tangle mid-week this time around. 
And with that, let the eliminations begin! Remember, everyone is still in contention for a ticket to the LoC next year! Someone will make a run straight to the title! Someone’s run will be derailed by a banana peel. 
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And when it’s over, 12 teams will have to be content with roll of TP and the Premier League next year. 
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Until Next Week, 
Commish Peter

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