HFFL Universal Blast: Week 1

blast logo comic

Welcome to the first 2015 edition of the HFFL Universal Blast. Each and every week you’ll get a bit of analysis on the week, updates on the scores across all 3 leagues and league news that you need to know. Oh, and each week I award the much coveted/feared Team of the Week Award/Curse. When a team distinguishes itself (for any reason, really) they will be highlighted as the HFFLUBTotW. It’s very prestigious (except when it results in the team being cursed for their next game). So let’s begin!

It’s a brand new NFL season! And some things never change. Like Marshawn Lynch bullying his way to 10 yard gains despite having about 6 defenders on his back.

On the flip side, the Seahawks found themselves in a familiar situation. They needed to gain a yard to keep their dreams alive. This time, they answered their critics from the Super Bowl and handed the ball off to Lynch. Sure thing, right? Umm…

This Rams defense may be legit.

It didn’t take long for the preseason sizzler Ameer Abdullah to make his NFL mark. First carry = TD.

The Browns are still a thing, maybe the worst team in the league. Josh McCown tried his best Sage “Fumblecopter” Rosenfels impression diving towards the endzone. McCown left the game after that play. It’s going to be another long year in Cleveland I’m afraid.

The Dolphins are supposed to be a team on the rise, by they had some trouble with Washington on Sunday including this Keystone Cops-esque play.

And week 1 wouldn’t be complete without a player doing something stupid and probably teeing himself up for some controversial league punishment. Adam (PacMan) Jones welcomed rookie WR Amari Cooper to the league by tackling him after the play, yanking his helmet off and then slamming his head into his own helmet. Yeah.

But let’s turn our attention to the Fantasy Football implications, which what we’re really here for. Week 1 is always a bit scary (especially if you own Dez Bryant). The temptation is to take everything you see this week and assume the rest of the season will follow suit. If that’s true, then tight ends are the most valuable players in fantasy. A whopping 13 TEs scored 10 or more points this week and five scored 2 or more TDs (including Gronk’s bonkers 27 point game)! Yowza!

And with that, let’s calmly dip into the HFFL action from the weekend by making the circuit around the 3 leagues!

LoC Logo

So here we have the League of Champions (or LOC). The owners in this league all had to fight their way in, but only 4 will get to stay up here next season! The stakes are high and the competition is fierce. Here are your week 1 scores:

screenshot-football.fantasysports.yahoo.com 2015-09-15 05-12-10

Well, last year’s LOC winner was Tom McComas and his team picked up right where they left off. WOLYA Nothing scored 123 points to vanquish Chris A’s Fountain of Bacon. But Tom didn’t score the most points in the LOC this week. That honor belongs to Dan’s Hiawatha Goldfinches. The ‘Finches took down Butterslide in a shootout as Julio Jones and Travis Kelce both went off in big ways. The diddy (Jim R.) is 1-0 as Matt Forte’s big game propelled him past #CutTheCheck (Ron R.). Ron got bit by the WR bug as his two starting wides combined for 7 points. Eric M. won the PL last year and showed he can ball with the big boys as The Eh Team took down No Money Manziel (Jake L.) in a slugfest. Tragically Malicious (Mark E.) has held onto his LOC spot for 3 seasons and was looking good in his game against HitManHass (Bret H.). Then Carlos Hyde gouged the Vikes on Monday night and handed the win to Bret’s team. And finally, the Phantom Limbs (Peter C.) absolutely crushed And He’s Loose!!! (Hyatt H.) behind Tom Brady’s big Thursday game. Hyatt has some roster evaluation coming this week.

Current LOC Standings:

screenshot-football.fantasysports.yahoo.com 2015-09-15 05-16-06

Premier League Logo

And the Premier League (PL), which ended up containing many former LOC owners. I get the feeling this league may be the most evenly matched of the 3 and will probably be a fun one to watch this season. Here are their week 1 scores:

screenshot-football.fantasysports.yahoo.com 2015-09-15 05-13-15

It was an entertaining, back and forth tilt between The Stale Muffins (Mike D. from NYC) and The Tusken Raiders (Andrew L.). In the end, the Muffins came out on top by 10. The nice thing about week 1 games is that you’ll get another shot at your opponent late in the season. You can bet Andrew will have that game circled on his calendar. Overall, five PL teams broke the century mark in scoring and most of the game were close. In a rookie matchup, it was Flanders (Nick G.) over The Original Wonky (Matt R.) by 8 points. Also winning by 8, Amanda Hugginkiss (Brian P.) beat Nana Nancy (Tyler L.). It was also a close one between Mighty Mouse Rat (Luke A.) and KRUG Kommander (Denny d. from Berlin), but the Mouse edged it out by 10 points. The closest game of the week was between Nerd Herd (Bob D.) and The Dominators (Spencer P.). As these things often do, it came down to Monday night where the Vikings defense did enough to hand the win to Bob’s team. And the one landslide win came in for Rüssnôçérôse (Russ N.) as he almost doubled up Polska Pierogis (Sam E.)’s Bronco heavy team. Sam’s hoping better days are ahead for Peyton and company.

Current PL Standings:

screenshot-football.fantasysports.yahoo.com 2015-09-15 05-15-22

Elite League Logo

Next up is the Elite League (EL). This league had the latest draft of the 3 by far and had late intel on players such as Jordy Nelson and Kelvin Benjamin. Did this help them construct better rosters? Perhaps. Here are the week 1 scores:

screenshot-football.fantasysports.yahoo.com 2015-09-15 05-13-59

Yikes. We should probably start with that big number up there. That’s right, Randy Ableman (Aaron W.) came out guns blazing and scored 152 points in week 1. It was a bad beat for rookie Turn down for Watt (Eric H.) as his 106 points would have beaten almost anyone else in the EL this week. As it is, he’s looking at an 0-1 start and Aaron is eyeing a spot in the LOC next year already. Crazily, the other two 100+ scorers also played each other! The Cutlass Cieras (Chris W.) felt good about Forte’s big week 1, but The Farce Awakens (Nate E.) fielded Kelce and DeAndre Hopkins and notched a 7 point win. Welcome to the EL Straight Cash Homie (Caleb Z.)! Sorry about the heartbreaking loss to start it off. He-Man (Chris T.) squeezed by Caleb’s squad by 1 point thanks to The Matts (Ryan and Bryant) on Monday night. It was a family feud as Mashmallow Mateys (Cory E.) tangled with brother-in-law Sesquipetantic Squad (Nick L.). The Mateys came out on top this time by 13. Wayne Thompson started the season off right by beating michael+magic+bird (Darren J.) by 11 thanks to the Panthers D. And rookie Johnathan S. looked at his roster after the draft and changed his team name to Last Place. It proved to be an omen as his team got dusted by Nudibranch in week 1.

Don’t drop the hope, Johnathan! It’s a long season!

Current EL Standings:

screenshot-football.fantasysports.yahoo.com 2015-09-15 05-14-29


Okay, here it is! The inaugural HFFLUBTotW award! Who stood out in the first week? Well, with 152 points in the opening game, it’s Aaron Winter’s squad dubbed Randy Ableman! Across the board, his squad looked stout and struck fear into the rest of the Elite League. A great week for Aaron’s team!

aaron winter is here


Here’s where you’ll find important league information such as which NFL teams are on byes, what important dates are coming up and other such flotsam regarding the HFFL.

For now, I’ll just remind you of the Waiver Wire! If your team isn’t looking so hot after one week (or you own Dez Bryant), you may want to look at the available players and try to acquire someone to help. Remember, for the first couple of days, all players are on waivers and must be bid on. If no one bids by tomorrow, they will be free agents and can be picked up immediately with no waiver money. Good luck!

Also, check out the SuperStandings! Since the HFFL is a giant, 3-league monstrosity, it’s sometimes fun to see how your team compares to all 35 other teams in the universe and not just the other 11 in your league. That’s where the SuperStandings come in. They combine all 3 leagues into one giant leaderboard. So check it out here. And remember, you can find many more historical stats and stuff at hiawathafantasyfootball.com.

Okay, the hometown team played an ugly game late into the night last night. It seemed that the Purple were as tired playing as I was watching. Some of us are probably feeling like zombies today. So take it easy and then tackle your rosters for week 2!

Until next week,

Commish Peter

One thought on “HFFL Universal Blast: Week 1

  1. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all those that have helped me achieve this prestigious award. The namesake of my team, Mr. Ableman- without your example of domination (not to mention your sweet ‘fro and mustache), I would not have motivated to become an elite fantasy football playing machine. I’d also like to thank my mother and my father- your superior genetics have given me the unique skillset of roster management. How does one know which player is most likely to give it’s manager the highest amount of points? Only the elite have the arithmetic skills to know that if Yahoo projects one tight end to score 15 points and another to score 3 points, you are best suited to play the tight end projected to score 15 points. It is that skill that allowed me to win this award… I guess it could have also been that Peter drafted a great team for me, but I digress. Thanks Peter!

    To learn more about Randy Ableman, follow this link. Or see picture of his sweet ‘fro and mustache below. http://www.umsportshalloffame.com/randy-ableman.html

    On Tue, Sep 15, 2015 at 7:45 AM, ‘Hiawatha Fantasy Football’ via Blast Distributi


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