HFFL Universal Blast – 2015 Playoffs Week 1

blast logo comic

The NFL is careening towards the playoffs and any injuries endured now could be season-ending. And no team is more aware of this fact than the Bengals, who lost Andy Dalton on Sunday against the Steelers. Dalton threw a red zone INT and then tackled the defender, breaking his throwing thumb.

The Bengals’ postseason dreams are very much in question now with a backup QB at the helm, considering he threw a pick six to William Gay of the Steelers, who was very pleased.

Aaron Rodgers and Packers won on Sunday and Aaron’s thumb is doing just fine.

Wait! William Gay is still celebrating:

The Browns put Maziel back in at QB and… things still aren’t clicking.

Brought to you by Microsoft Surface. Wait! William Gay is still going:

Okay, that’s about enough of that. Gay has finally been flagged for excessive celebration. Back to the Browns. They did manage to beat the woeful Niners, who are just sitting there.

I don’t believe this. William Gay is STILL GOING!!

Wow. That has to be the most excessive Excessive Celebration I’ve ever seen.

In the HFFL, there are a few guys who will be doing the William Gay Dance this week as they celebrate playoff victories! Let’s find out who they are! And remember, all winners this week, even in the Toilet Bowl Brackets, still have a shot at a ticket to the LOC next year!

LoC Logo

With playoff byes, each league had a lighter slate this week, but the lower seeds still cooked up some good games. LOC Scores:

screenshot-football.fantasysports.yahoo.com 2015-12-15 07-06-55

In the playoffs, Butterslide had grabbed the final playoff spot and had a punchers chance against the Limbs. Then Andy Dalton got hurt after 59 yards and 1 INT. The rest of the day was rough for Joel as his team managed only 63 against the Limbs and their high-scoring attack (125 points!). The Limbs move on to face The Eh Team next week in the Semifinals. Tragically Malicious moved on as well after defeating the ‘Finches thanks to Todd Gurley’s return to form (26 pts!). Now Mark will be matched up against the HitManHass next week. Butterslide and the Goldfinches will half-heartedly play each other for 5th place next week, knowing that it will be their last game in the LOC for awhile.

In the Toilet Bowl, it was a mild upset as the Injured Reserve banded together and beat #CutTheCheck. For Chris, his disappointing season still contains a small semblance of hope! The same cannot be said for Ron, who will play for 11th place next week against… No Money Manziel. Jake fell hard to The Diddy this week. Jake had a rough year too. After the draft, Yahoo ran some numbers and predicted that his team would finish the year 12-0-1. But that’s why we play the games!

Elite League Logo

While the LOC games mostly lacked for drama this week, the EL had some real nailbiters! Scores:

screenshot-football.fantasysports.yahoo.com 2015-12-15 07-21-09

He-Man held a 10 point lead heading into Monday night, but the Cieras were feeling bullish as they deployed Lamar Miller. Miller came through and scored 20 points and handed the thrilling win to Wachter in a playoff edition of War of the Christophers! For Thompson, it was a crushing way to bow out of the playoffs and the race for the LOC. On the other side of the bracket, 6th seed Hashtag held a lead over Randy Ableman into Monday night as well, but Aaron trotted out his reliable kicker Josh Brown. Brown made 4 PATs and 1 FG, which was just enough to hand Aaron the 2 point win in dramatic fashion! Ableman moves on and it will be Thompson vs. Thompson in the 5th place game next week. Meanwhile, the Mateys and the Farce rejoin the fun as the playoffs continue.

In the EL Toilet Bowl, it looked like Last Place might actually get a win at the most opportune time! After Sunday, Johnathan led Eric 81-62! But Eric had an ace up his sleeve in the form of Eli Manning. Eli threw 4 TDs on Monday night and Eric stole the win! Johnathan, your roster has a message for you:

Darren also kept the dream alive, beating Sesquipetantic handily. In fact, Darren’s 3 WIN$ team had the highest score in the EL Toilet Bowl Bracket this week (including teams with byes!). He’s peaking at the right time! Look out!

Premier League Logo

The PL has been a bit of a toss-up all year long, so this playoff field is going to be wild. Here are the overture scores:

screenshot-football.fantasysports.yahoo.com 2015-12-15 07-40-30

When you’re a Tusken Raider fan, you kind of want your team to come out and play in the playoffs. Unfortunately for Andrew, his WRs didn’t get the message. In what turned out to be a winnable game, both Amari Cooper and Dez Bryant  submitted zeros. Still, the door for a win was open thanks to Tyler’s underwhelming performance, but the Carolina defense threw a no-hitter and gave Nana Nancy 23 points and the win! Definitely not the way Andrew foresaw his LOC dream ending. The same goes for Amanda Hugginkiss. Matched up against the unpredictable Wonky, Brian watched as Andy Dalton went down and Jeremy Hill ran for 16 yards. By the time Beckham Jr. scored 28, it was far too late. Wonky advances and Brian will play Andrew for 5th place and pride. And next week, we bring back the Muffins and Flanders to face Wonky and Nancy!

In the PL Toilet Bowl, we had a real legit upset as Polska awoke and prevailed over Russ by 13 thanks to Russell Wilson’s continued dominance. Sam won 2 games in the regular season, but his LOC aspirations are alive and well thanks to this startling win! KRUG is also alive, beating the Dominators in a low-scoring affair. Will one of these two Cinderellas be playing for a Golden Ticket in the Toilet Super Bowl?!? That’s up to Luke and Bob, who will play these winners next week!


Phantom Limb Terminator

The Phantom Limbs are the clear cut winner of the week. With an HFFL high 125 points and an LOC playoff win, the Commish’s team is riding high right now! But he’ll be matched up with Eric Miller’s Eh Team next week, which is no picnic!



Forgive me if I keep harping on this, but all winners from this week are alive for an LOC bid next year. So winners, don’t rest on your laurels! With only two weeks of play left, mistakes are deadly at this point.

Speaking of opportunities to space your roster moves, we have TWO games before Sunday rolls around this week! On Thursday, we’ll see the Bucs at the Rams and then we’ve got a SATURDAY game to worry about! Saturday night will feature the Jets @ the Cowboys. So get a head start on your roster decisions this week!

And with that, we soldier on to Semifinals Week! Next week, we’ll finally know the Super Bowl teams in each league and some of next year’s LOC entries as well! Good luck, everyone!

Until Next Week,
Commish Peter

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